Antin's Widow

In an earlier blog I mentioned that the longer I stay here the closer I will get to the AIDS epidemic here. Its’ coming faster than I could imagine. Two people I work closely with at the hospital have been afflicted with the HIV. They both are sweet, gentle men who have been very helpful to me. One was in the hospital when I left for the states in August and I feared he would not be alive when I returned. Praise God, he was released from the hospital and is resting comfortably with his family. At this writing he has even returned to work.

I didn’t learn the other man was HIV positive until I returned from the states. Antin was a strong man who was always available when we needed to unload materials or move heavy objects. He frequently traveled with us when we would purchase building materials so that if the truck broke down (which it does often) he could assist. Shortly after returning to Zimba in September I was walking through the hospital and a patient spoke to me… I did not recognize him. He had a smile I recognize but I couldn’t be sure who it was. You see, this man was skin and bones. He was lying on a bed where he could barely lift his head. His wife was wiping his brow with a wet cloth. Yet, when I walked by he found the strength to welcome me home. I was in shock! It was Antin.

I confirmed through friends at the hospital that he indeed was dying from complications associated with AIDS. I have never seen such a drastic transformation within a month. I was told he was spitting up blood which was not a good sign. He was discharged but on October 6 was transferred to Livingstone Hospital and died at 7am. He left behind a wife and a seven year child.

I was leaving the next day for Lusaka and was unable to attend the funeral service. God placed a burden on my heart for his family. I wasn’t sure what I could do but I couldn’t shake it. I asked one of the other missionaries to be alert to any needs expressed by the family.

When I returned I still felt the burden to help this family in some way. I spoke with Antin’s cousin, Watson, and what he told me grieved me more. If losing her husband was not tragedy enough the husband’s family had followed through with a tradition of taking everything from the grieving widow. In this culture all material belongings are the property of the husband and his family (being the family that raised him), even the children. When I say everything I mean pots, pans, plates, mattresses and all household items. Antin had purchased iron sheets to roof the house before the rainy season came. He lacked two sheets to complete the roof. In addition to the household items his family even took the iron sheets. The rainy season was imminent and now the wife didn't have her husband or a roof. According to this tradition, the husband’s family could have taken the child also but that would be another mouth to feed so they chose to leave the child with the mother.

Watson, Antin's cousin, is burdened with this behavior also. He cried as he shared what had happened to Antin's widow. He realizes that this is the same family that would take from his wife should he pass away. Watson is a Christian and realizes that this tradition is not right. He tried to convince the family members (who claim Christianity also) not to treat the widow in such a way. They would not listen. Watson has decided to make a will to protect his wife and child. The only problem is that the will, although legal, provides no guarantee that it will be honored. It would require the widow to spend money she doesn’t have to pursue court action so most don’t follow through.

Part of tradition is that the family would also help nurse the sick family member during their illness but this part of the tradition was not exercised. No aunties or uncles came to the hospital to visit Antin or help his wife with the care.

I have not dealt with such anger and injustice since arriving... I was faced with what to do with this anger, this burden… If I help the widow myself then with the next death that occurs will I be expected to help that widow also? My plan was to challenge the community to help with the purchase of iron sheets so that this widow will be protected from the soon to come rains. I prayed also that the Christians will unite and try to stop this tradition that goes against the word of God and that they would support the widow and prevent such injustice.

God has answered a portion of my prayer... although there was little participation from the community (it's hard to break tradition) below is a picture of Antin’s widow taken just a few weeks ago standing in front of her house. The iron sheets have been purchased and installed. Rainy season is here and she and her household are protected from the weather. Praise God for his provision!
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world (in this case traditions).” James 1: 27