The last few days have been rather trying. After returning from an escape weekend on the Zambezi River, I jumped right back into work. Three trips to Choma (1 ½ hours away), returning after midnight each trip and starting my day at the regular time regardless…. I’m ready for another weekend retreat.
I returned feeling spiritually revived and focused on my work here in Zambia. I am studying the Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) by Beth Moore. It has been interesting because I started this study some time back and I had reached a point where I procrastinated and did not pick up the study. I’m not making excuses but I believe God wanted me to wait until my weekend retreat to continue.
I had reached the study on Isaac and found myself immersed in the content. I have more underlines and notes than ever. Here are just a few of the things that spoke to me:
“I am concerned that the maximum-load mentality of our culture could potentially turn us into minimalists. We’re growing too exhausted to go the extra mile. Sometimes we do only what we must to get by on a project because we have 15 other projects nipping at our heels. We’re pushed too hard and too fast to go the extra distance excellence demands. Even in church work we are often thrown into so many activities and responsibilities that we don’t take the time to allow the Holy Spirit to develop our spiritual gifts.”
“We aren’t in danger of becoming minimalists because we want to. We’re in danger of becoming minimalists because maximum overload causes minimum effectiveness.”
-Beth Moore, The Patriarchs
Ouch! This hit me hard. I thought that this would not be a problem here in Zambia. The culture here is so laid back that I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. Wrong! There is so much to be done and most of it needed to be done yesterday. In Zambia, we (missionaries, hospital managers, church leaders) play the game of “catch-up” everyday.
Another phrase I underlined was, “…take, take! That’s all people like you want to do!” Now, I love the people here and when I read this I started weeping. How could I relate to this phrase about the people I love? Then it came to me.... the problem is not with the people, the problem is with me! My ability to set priorities and say “no” to those things that are not important. My inner voice said, “But everything is important here!” I never realized how hard life would be here.
“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.” – Psalm 40:8
I began to evaluate my work here and exactly what I do... here is an excerpt from my journal entry…
‘Busyness” – am I just busy or am I being productive? What impact am I making for the “Kingdom”? Why am I not satisfied? Am I supposed to be satisfied? Why do I long for more? Hebrews 11:16 “Instead they were longing for a better country – a heavenly one”. Even Abraham died without seeing the fruit of his faith but continued to believe. This “longing for a better country” (heaven) is what keeps me faithful. Perfection will never be reached until I enter that better country. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness.’
I have returned to Zimba and I am not going to lie and tell you that I have made all the necessary changes but I am aware of the changes I need to make. That is step one!
Step two was to find an area of personal ministry where I could feel I was making a difference. Part of my testimony is that as a young woman I desired to be faithful to God but I didn't know how to go past that step. Discipleship – I’m not sure I even knew that term until maybe 10 years ago. I can remember going forward after church services to “rededicate” myself to Christ but I didn’t really know how. No one in the church… I mean no one (pastors, leaders, or members) ever counseled me or volunteered to help me. I continued to falter through life. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness! ... oops I've said that already!
I don’t want that for the young women here in Zimba (or anywhere). I have committed to work with a small group of girls who just need encouragement and love. I have plenty of that to give. I plan to lead a weekend retreat dedicated to “purity” and Aids/HIV education. I want these girls to trust me and want to spend time with me. I want my home to be a safe haven for them when they need a friend. My God, what am I getting myself into???
How does that help relieve the stress of an already busy schedule you ask? Well, it relieves that inner voice that keeps asking, “What are you doing for the Kingdom?”
Step three…. I’m still working on that.
Stay tuned....
