Zambian Wedding Shower

On Thursday, 4/5, Justina Kukungu (PWC National Superintendent’s wife, invited me to attend a bridal shower with her on Saturday, April 7. I was excited by the opportunity and we discussed the differences between Zambian showers and USA showers. I could tell this was going to be quite different! Justina stated she would come for me around the 1400 hour to leave for the party.
Now for those who don’t know anything about African culture. Time is not a commodity here. They are a very relational group of people and as long as you are within 2 hours of the time discussed you are not considered late. This is due to two reasons: 1) their relational culture where is it rude not to speak to everyone you know and listen genuinely to updates on their family and 2) unreliable public and private transportation.
I understand this much better after Saturday. Justina came to collect me at 1430 but left and came back because she saw the visiting pastor speaking to me. She returned an hour later and although he was still telling his story, I indicated to him that I needed to leave.
Justina and I used public transportation to travel to the party. Now, I had seen the turquoise blue vehicles all over the city but I didn’t really understand how it worked. Public taxis and buses are all painted the same blue color so that they can be easily identified. There are designated stops for the buses but there is no specific times to arrive or depart.
Each bus is equipped with a driver and a “solicitor”. The solicitor reminds me of the carnival workers who are lulling you into the shows and games. Their job is to have a full bus. This means that when they stop at a bus stop, the buses don’t leave until they have solicited as many people as possible to ride. The larger the bus the longer it takes. The solicitor gets off at each stop and looks for people who may need a ride. If the bus driver appears to be leaving and a potential customer is coming, he will beat on the outside of the bus to let the driver know not to leave. If this doesn’t sound chaotic enough, imagine two or three buses at the stop at one time and each are competing for your business. By the way, you can be waiting for a bus and one comes that is full and doesn’t need to stop at your bus stop, they keep going. It works for them and Justina and I made it to the shower just in time for the start. Well, actually they were a few hours late starting the party!
The home where the party was held was a very nice house in Zambian standards. It was inside a stone wall with a gated entry. It had large rooms and the large yard was nicely landscaped. As we entered the grounds there was as group of women singing and dancing similar to a conga line. In the middle of the crowd were three women covered by a chetenge (colorful cloth) and they were directed to sit on the ground in the middle of the lawn. They stayed covered while the dancing and singing continued.
The first thing I noticed was that several women were dressed similarly. I suspected that maybe this identified which family they belonged to. When Justina was taken away and returned in one of the dresses, I found out it identified church members from the bride’s church and the groom’s church. Each church used a different fabric.
There was a tent for the relatives of the bride and groom with plastic chairs for them to sit in. Friends sat in plastic chairs on the far side of the lawn. There was a band and the groom’s church provided a choir. The music was both spiritual and celebratory. There was an emcee but she spoke mainly in the mother tongue (Tonga) and occasionally in English.
Two groups of gifts were displayed on the lawn. One group appeared to me like it was gifts which had been received and just displayed for the guests to view. I found out later they were the gifts from the parents and that the bride was seated with her back to them so that she could not see them until the time came. The other group of gifts was in front of her but in shopping bags so that she could not see what was inside. None of the gifts were wrapped.
The three women remained seated on the lawn and as the singing and dancing continued, crates of Cokes, Fanta Orange , Fanta Grape, and Sprite were carried among the guests. Another conga line formed and this time it included the groom. He was danced in to sit before the covered women. I had already realized that one of the women was the bride. The groom sat with two other men in front of the covered women and he was not allowed to uncover her until he paid enough money. He pays around 100,000 Kwacha (approximately $25). She was uncovered and there were two older women on either side of her. These women had been chosen by her mother to mentor her in being a good wife.
The groom and his friends were escorted to three chairs while another group of singers and dancers celebrated. A few minutes later the groom and his friends were escorted out by another conga line.
Now came time for the presents. The emcee picked a card off of each gift and asked the giver to come before the bride and present it. The gift could be given from one person or more but my observation was that most were given by groups of people. Each giver was required to sing a song and dance before the bride. They then knelt before her, showed the gift and she responded with words of how she would use it to be a good wife and homemaker. Although there was lots of laughter, the bride and her mentors sat very humbly. She always looked down and I never saw her smile or laugh. I found out this was out of respect for the givers, to receive the gifts with humility. Note: Some of the gifts were given anonymously.
Once the gifts were opened a buffet line was offered to the guests. Food was brought to the brides’ mentors but I did not see her eat anything. The food was excellent..fried chicken, rice, roasted potatoes, potato salad, green beans, cucumber salad, noodles, beef tips, and cake. Soft drinks were available at the end of the line.
When everyone had been served another conga line formed and this time they collected the bride and her mentors. She was danced in front of the gifts from the parents and the other guests followed to view them as well. Once she saw the gifts from the parents the guests started to leave. I never saw the bride smile the entire day and thought what fun it was for everyone but her! So different from our showers in the states.
Followup: I saw the bride at church on Sunday and she was full of joy and smiled all the time. I spoke with her and asked about the shower. She explained to me that it was out of respect for the guests that she did not show any signs of pride for the receipt of the gifts.
The wedding is next Sunday and I hope to be able to attend!

Please note that this shower took place in the city and is not observed in the villages in this way.